Kool Moe Dee – Self Titled 30 Year Anniversary

Kool Moe Dee released his self titled debut album “Kool Moe Dee” 30 years ago back in 1986.  The album was his first solo project and was produced by Kool Moe Dee, Teddy Riley, and others.

In 1985, The Treacherous Three had disbanded so Kool Moe Dee went to college to get his degree in communications and also work on his first solo project.

One of the first rappers to talk about sexually transmitted diseases was Kool Moe Dee. When “Go See The Doctor” was released, the 12 inch single had a condom attached to the record.  Being 15 at the time and listening to this song, made me a bit scared and what was out there.  The lyrics said it all!  If I don’t use protection, I will be “Drip drip dripping and puss puss pussing”.  It’s a funny song, but still as real as it gets.

Three days later, go see the doctor…

I was, walking down the street, rocking my beat
Clapping my hands and stomping my feet
I saw a little lady so neet and petite
So was so sweet, yes I wanted to meet
So I asked this lady could I take her out
We could wine and dine and we could talk about
The birds and the bees in my waterbed
And you could treat me like a Buddha and bow your head
We continued to talk, and before you knew it
We were at my house and it was time to do it
As soon as I finished, I lost my poise
Ran outside and told all my boys
I said “Listen up fellas, come over here, bust it”
They said “Did you get it?” I said “Yeah,” they said “How was it?”
The poontang was dope and you know that I rocked her
But three days later, go see the doctor

I rocked her to the left, rocked her to the right
She felt so good, hugged me so tight
I said “Good night”
Three days later…
Woke up fussing, yelling and cussing
Drip drip dripping and puss puss pussing
I went to the bathroom and said “Mama mia!”
I’m a kill that girl next time I see her
The madder I got, the more I reminice
Why is my thing thing burning like this?
Well I remember the first day I saw that girl
I just couldn’t wait to rock her world
I said “Hey good looking, what you got cooking?”
What have I done stuck my dick in?
Now I know why her ex-boyfriend Dave
Calls her Mrs. Microwave
Cause she was hotter than an oven and I had to learn
The hard way stay in the microwave too long you get burned
But the poontang was dope and you know that I rocked her
But three days later, go see the doctor

I went to the doctor’s office, I said “What have I got?”
He said “Turn around boy and take this shot”
I looked at him like he was crazy, and I said “What?”
Ain’t nobody sticking nothing in my butt
He turned and said in a real deep voice
“Have it your way, if that’s your choice
And I’ll put it down if you want me to put it
But don’t blame me if it turns into a foot
Extending from the middle of your body
And the next time you see your cute hottie
You won’t be able to screw, the only thing you can do
Is just kick her, so go take karate”
As I turned around to receive my injection
I said “Next time I’ll use some protection”
If I see another girl and I get an erection
I’m walking in the other direction
Cause I don’t want to do the sick sick dance
So I’m keeping my prick inside my pants
And if I see another girl and I know I can rock her
Before I push up I’ll make her go see the doctor

On that 12 inch single, the b-side is “Crack Monster” which is probably one of the first tracks to tackle crack addiction.   When Chuck D later showed us that people addicted to crack looked like zombies, I thought it was an exaggeration.  It was not! That stuff takes a hold of you and doesn’t let go.   If I thought the a-side track was scary, a shot in the butt was 100 times better than being a crack head.

1986 – return of the horror flicks
More deadly than “The Omen”, a killer and a showman
Like the devil in “The Exorcist”
But this flick can cause a heart attack
Cause it’s more than action-packed
It’s alive and killing and the star is a villain
And his name is Monster Crack
The crack monster

He talks to ya like he’s alive
And when he talks like bees to a hive
The people come running, the older and the young’in
The place he lives in is the house they hung in
He wants your money, only your money
He’ll make you feel good for a real fast twenty
The bill is passed and the dollars go fast
The feeling is high but the high don’t last
Long enough for you to even read a paper
But you still thirst and hunger for the vapor
Although he is inanimate, he’ll make you feel
That he can breathe, think, talk and bleed for real
You should stay away cause all he’s about
Is just making you broke and stringing you out
It only takes one kiss and a deep, deep breath
Then you’re hooked for life cause it’s the kiss of death

Like savoir-faire he’s everywhere
He’ll hook an innocent baby cause he don’t care
He loves to eat, girls and boys, and he’s nothing but poison
The biggest hit since Michael Jackson, he’s making noise in
The streets he’s notorious, to pushers he’s glorious
To girls he’s a pimp cause he turns em to the whoriest
Materialistic nymphomaniacs
That’ll do anything for Monster Crack
Give away her body, steal from her brother
Fight her father or sell her mother
Cause when you’re possessed by Crack, God bless
Your soul, cause he’ll take the rest

The power of the mind should not be wasted
But the agony of defeat is always tasted
By those who chose to willingly oppose
Their mind like Toucan Sam instead they follow their nose
And the more you get, the more you want
You’re killing your brain now, so later on it’ll haunt
You you become insatiable, you can’t get enough
When your money gets low, things really get rough
It’s your only objective, you lose all perspective
On life, you’re obsessed, possessed and defective
Losing weight and disappearing but still persevering
Your body tells you no, but all you’re hearing
Is the crack talk

In South Africa many a brother died
Trying to fight back against apartheid
Bombs are flying, people are dying
Terrorists terrorizing and the whole world’s trying
To prevent another war, but I got a surprise
There’s already one right before your eyes
And we’re nowhere near the end, this is only the beginning
Until this point the Crack has been winning
Weakening hearts, corrupting minds
A stone cold killer, very easy to find
And once he’s caught by the law, he can’t go to jail
Cause he’s nothing but a little piece of matter for sale
Using people like pawns in the game of chess
And he is the king, more powerful than the rest

(Monster Crack
The crack monster)

My favorite track on this album was “Do You Know What Time It Is?” where Kool Moe Dee warns the fellas about those types of girls that are only after your money. Funny how he gives us various situations but never drops the “B” word.  The beat is infectious with that clock beat and is definitely the gem on this album!

Do you know what time it is?

Girlies are partying, touching my body and
Talking to me like I’m a kindergartian
Today she’s on mine, tomorrow she’s on his
But don’t worry about me, because I know what time it is
Time to get mine while you try to get yours
I’ll get mine pause in those silky drawers
Take you to the cleaners and I got a trick
Cause all you’re ever going to get is a piece of my dee-dee-duh
Didn’t you know that my girlie, my toe
It’s easy to come, but harder to go
Hope you got a good heart and you’re a good sport
Cause I’m a treat you like a b-ball on a basketball court
I’m gonna run you around, take you up and down
Take you out and leave you in the lost and found
So if you wanna be down, miss listen to this
Before you deal with me, you’d better know what time it is

Do you know what time it is? (Tell me do you know?) (Repeat 3x)

Some girlies are pretty, some girlies are fine
But most girlie girlies like to play with your mind
They like sporting new gold and riding in cars
And most of them, they don’t care who you are
They’re materialistic and unrealistic
And to most of them you’re nothing but another statistic
Whoever’s got the money, they’re all on his
Y’all can save it for David, cause I know what time it is

Do you know what time it is? (Tell me do you know?) (Repeat 3x)
Check the clock!

Put your Gucci watch on and synchronize the time, and let’s rock

Girls for me come a dime a dozen
And that’s why I never never was a
Situation where I could get jerked
Like a mechanic, all I do is bodywork
Want my money? You must be a fool
Cause like Billy Idol said, I’m gigalo cool
Moe Dee, that’s me, introduce yourself, miss
But don’t try to be slick, cause I know what time it is
Time to make sure that the girlies stay poised
String ’em out so they will always want more
Don’t come around here and try to get richer
Don’t ask me for no money, cause baby baby baby
Betcha don’t know me from a can of paint
And I bet you think I’m fronting but I tell you I ain’t
And I bet you think you know, but I’ll tell you like this:
I’ll be you don’t know (Know what?) What time it is

Do you know what time it is? (Tell me do you know?) (Repeat 4x)

It’s time to get money, time to get paid
It’s time to have fun, it’s time to get laid
Like to front like I’m poor, I don’t drive, instead
I be chilling in a Jetta with my man that be red
Riding all around the city and half the world
And after talking from girl to girl
All you ladies seem to sing the same old song
Makes it hard for me when a real girl comes along
Now I’m a veteran, a girl all-pro
And as many as I’ve had, I still don’t know
So I made a little system so I can tell
Doesn’t always work, but what the hell?
Don’t ask me for nothing, and don’t give me nothing
And keep it like that for about a whole month and
Half and I’ll laugh and maybe one day miss
Maybe you can be down, maybe you can be down
Maybe you should be down cause you know what time it is

Do you know what time it is? (Tell me do you know?) (Repeat 3x)
Check the clock!

Put your Gucci watch on and synchronize the time, and let’s rock

This album had hits yet there was not even one video until we saw him a year later with “How Ya Like Me Know“.  We also didn’t have a LL Cool J diss track either yet! The majority of us knew him from Beat Street where he was the rappin Santa.  The man is a legend and will forever be know as one of the only rappers that started in the old school and was able to be successful post Run DMC’s arrival.  We salute you Kool Moe Dee!

-AL E.

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