Kool Moe Dee – Go See The Doctor

Kool Moe Dee released his single “Go See The Doctor” back in 1986.  The single was produced by Kool Moe Dee, LaVaba Mallison and Teddy Riley and was the lead single to his debut studio album “Kool Moe Dee” that was released on Rooftop/Jive Records.  Kool Moe Dee was previously a member of the pioneering group the Treacherous Three.

The first time I had heard this track was on KDAY and thought it was the funniest rap song I had ever heard.  One of the first rappers to talk about sexually transmitted diseases was Kool Moe Dee. When “Go See The Doctor” was released, the 12 inch single had a condom attached to the record. Unfortunately, I was 15 and I didn’t know what to do with them let alone save it for later.  Being 15 at the time and listening to this song made me a bit scared of what was out there.  The lyrics said it all!  If I don’t use protection, I will be “Drip drip dripping and puss puss pussing”.  It’s a funny song, but still as real as it gets.  As for the beat a young Teddy Riley was perfecting his production skills by using a slowed down “Funky Drummer” by James Brown.

But three days later, go see the doctor…

I was, walking down the street, rocking my beat
Clapping my hands and stomping my feet
I saw a little lady so neat and petite
She was so sweet, yes I wanted to meet
So I asked this lady could I take her out
We could wine and dine and we could talk about
The birds and the bees in my waterbed
And you could treat me like a Buddha and bow your head
We continued to talk, and before you knew it
We were at my house and it was time to do it
As soon as I finished, I lost my poise
Ran outside and told all my boys
I said “Listen up fellas, come over here, bust it”
They said “Did you get it?” I said “Yeah,” they said “How was it?”
The poontang was dope and you know that I rocked her
But three days later, go see the doctor

I rocked her to the left, rocked her to the right
She felt so good, hugged me so tight
I said “Good night”
Three days later…
Woke up fussing, yelling and cussing
Drip drip dripping and puss puss pussing
I went to the bathroom and said “Mama mia!”
I’m a kill that girl next time I see her
The madder I got, the more I reminisce
Why is my thing thing burning like this?
Well I remember the first day I saw that girl
I just couldn’t wait to rock her world
I said “Hey good looking, what you got cooking?”
What have I done stuck my dick in?
Now I know why her ex-boyfriend Dave
Calls her Mrs. Microwave
Cause she was hotter than an oven and I had to learn
The hard way, stay in the microwave too long you get burned
But the poontang was dope and you know that I rocked her
But three days later, go see the doctor

I went to the doctor’s office, I said “What have I got?”
He said “Turn around boy and take this shot”
I looked at him like he was crazy, and I said “What?
Ain’t nobody sticking nothing in my butt”
He turned and said in a real deep voice
“Have it your way, if that’s your choice
And I’ll put it down if you want me to put it
But don’t blame me if it turns into a foot
Extending from the middle of your body
And the next time you see your cute hottie
You won’t be able to screw, the only thing you can do
Is just kick her, so go take karate”
As I turned around to receive my injection
I said “Next time I’ll use some protection”
If I see another girl and I get an erection
I’m walking in the other direction
Cause I don’t wanna do the sick sick dance
So I’m keeping my prick inside my pants
And if I see another girl and I know I can rock her
Before I push up I’ll make her go see the doctor

On that 12 inch single, the b-side is “Crack Monster” which is probably one of the first tracks to tackle crack addiction.   When Chuck D later showed us that people addicted to crack looked like zombies, I thought it was an exaggeration.  It was not! That stuff takes a hold of you and doesn’t let go.   If I thought the a-side track was scary, a shot in the butt was 100 times better than being a crack head.

The album is dope with tracks like “Do You Know What Time it Is?“, “Go See The Doctor“, “Crack Monster” and “Dumb Dick (Richard)“.  The album is dope but it’s the next album that makes us put Kool Moe Dee on the greatest MC list of all time, and his verse on “Self Destruction” sealed his legendary status!

-Al E.

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